How does this poem sound?

i don't believe you have fully tapped into that raw emotion you were looking for. i get the message...your hurting because of another girl who hurt you and tore your heart. but in order for us to feel that pain you need to dig deep down inside where in most hurts. how did she hurt you? what went wrong? remember that very day that your heart got torn out and you felt like your world was shattered just like a mirror. you felt nothing would make you happy ever again. once you can fully realize that emotion that is when you'll make great poems. until then this is just good :) not great but pretty good yes